My glutes aren't firing

I can't even get on to my own blog. Can't figure out for the life of me what's up, but I'm starting to feel as nuts as Charlie Sheen and I'm definitely not "winning".  Yesterday I went for my introductory one on one session with a trainer at Gold's Gym and among other things, I had to step on their scale.  It was OK until we got to the body fat part, and let's just say if you threw me in the deep end of a pool, I'd float.  Nothing I didn't already suspect---just painful to see in real numbers. And cruel, too.

The trainer and I went through the machines she wants me to do and I definitely have some work to do.  Like maybe I should just move in over there.  Permanently.  Anyway, my trainer introduced me to Michelle, the guru of all things fitness, to figure out what I needed to do not to cause more back issues.  First of all, Michelle looks like a former bodybuilder and I suspect really likes girls, if you get my drift.  She was delightful and when she shook my hand, her grasp was so strong, I practically curtsied.  She told me she could tell by looking at me that one of my hips was higher than the other (she's right) and that "my glutes aren't firing".  I told her "my glutes probably haven't fired in 30 years" and she explained that since they aren't, I'm not getting a lot of support for my upper body, so that my legs are doing all the work my butt should be doing.  Allrightey then.  Butt work.  Check.  Core work.  Check.

Along with everything else core related, I'm going to need a total overhaul.  I decided it is for my health after all, so Emily (the trainer) and I are going to meet for a few sessions to be sure I have everything down correctly, before I try flying solo.  When I told Fred, he just rolled his eyes and did everything but say "Awwww, Ethel...".  When I get myself all firmed up and sassy looking (sort of), I plan to remind him of that and walk naked right past him.   Awww, Ethel is right.