SPANX, a girl's best friend

Today was the moment of truth:  I took all my clothes to be fitted for the wedding.  It's always fun to me to see what a knowledgeable tailor can do.  Suddenly something that looked merely nice when you bought it, looks really nice when she's all done-- even with pins all over it.  Now, I must confess I had on my one piece Spanx of Death contraption, so I must give credit where credit is due.  Does it give you uni-butt?  Sort of, "butt" (a little pun there) I'm okay with that.  And it flattens "the girls" a little, but that can be fixed, and it sure beats the jiggly alternative.  I figured I also better road test it today to see if I could stay in it longer than the blink of an eye.  The verdict?  I love it, and I wasn't even hot in it, though lots of people said I would be.  It was in the 90's today when I had it on, so I think it passed with flying colors.

It was a LOT harder the first time I tried it on, but this time it was pretty easy.  It slid right on!  Fred was dying to "help me" or watch me put it on, and I told him to just..... go....to....the ...office.  If  I was gonna be embarrassed, I sure wasn't doing it with a damn audience or him donkey braying.

  Now, since I mentioned it's a one piece, I already know what you're thinkin' and, yes, you can--at least number 1.  I know because I practiced.  If the need for number 2 should arise, you better seek  professional help immediately.  You better head for the nearest Fire Station, 'cause in a hurry, you're  gonna need the jaws of life to get you out of that thing.  And, you're gonna be buck naked afterwards, because that whole thing has to come off.  Moral of the story?  Do not take a laxative prior to wearing, or wear it if you have "the runs"-- this is not the garment for you.  You are just gonna lose that battle and loose it BIG.  Don't go there.


Now, is that TMI (too much information) for some people?  Maybe.  But you kept on readin', didn't ya?  I knew you would.  :)