58 is great

There's so much great stuff to be said for being the age I am.  Gone are my younger days when I was trying to please other people, look skinny, be pretty and captivating, and make life look easy when it really wasn't.  I also had to be smart or at least have other people think I was.  The volume on the internal dialogue in my head of "not skinny enough, not smart enough, not whatever enough" has been turned down now to a level where I almost can't hear it anymore, and for that I'm grateful.  I'm at an place in my life when I've never been happier, never been more fulfilled, never been more sure of all the things I don't know, never had more fun, and never been more grateful.

It's no longer important to me to look like the gals in magazines and I'd much rather look at design magazines than clothes any day.  Today I'd rather have great friends, great conversations, great experiences, than "stuff".  I don't need to compete with other women over anything, and if they want to wear gorgeous, expensive, painful shoes I say go for it, and I'll wear my comfy flats.  No judgement, no criticism.  Gone are the days that if something is uncomfortable I'll still buy it because it's what everyone else is doing.  No thank you. 

I love how it feels to know who I am, and know that what I just said reflects exactly how I feel.  In my youth, I'm not sure I really knew how I felt very often and when I did, there was usually a lot more underneath the surface that I was completely unaware of, and did not know how to access.  Today, lots of life experience and  hard work has given me an understanding of myself and how I operate--good and bad.  The dumb stuff I've done or still do, I laugh over (or try to), where earlier I would have chastised myself over and over-- about something I can't change.  Instead, I've found peace and serenity I never knew existed.

Today I feel younger and "lighter" than I did a decade ago.  No more dragging old stuff--like a backpack full of rocks.  There's simply too much to learn, to look forward to, to understand.  I don't want to waste a second. 

Happy middle age to all who qualify.  I wouldn't go back if you paid me.