2009?? Not... going... to... miss... it... at... all, thank you very much. This year has not been easy for anyone and you can include me on that list. But it's also been one of incredible learning experiences so here's what I now know, cumulatively from the last 56 years. There won't be enough room for everything since I am really smart, so just go with me here.
Today I know that when my youngest son is trying to stuff everything he and his black belt shopper GF have collected, into her car, to drive back to Nashville, that it is not to the time to offer suggestions or opinions. Especially when you can feel his temperature rising, and the trunk won't close. Instead, I know to wander aimlessly back into the house and pour another cup of coffee and to take my time doing it. Since I will not be riding in the car for the next 9+ hours, this is not my business. I DO NOT HAVE AN OPINION HERE. (Or at least not one anybody wants to hear.) Opinions are like eye brows--every body's got them but nobody really cares about mine except me. Take note here. This is a vital lesson I have learned.
Next on my list is, just because I think it doesn't mean I have to say it or that it's even true. Especially if it's an opinion (or critical comment). Opinions aren't facts, contrary to what a lot of people think. And feelings aren't facts either. Both facts and opinions can change, if your mind is open to knew information. Note the word "if".
Today I know talking with my sons is a lot harder than it used to be....questions are a no-no. Statements are better. The less questions I ask them, the more likely they are to share with me. And if I want them to feel safe sharing with me, there better not be any judgement or criticism of what they say. I have learned to say the word the word "Hmmmmm" as I nod my head, indicating they have my full attention. It can also be accompanied by a flash elevation of one or both eyebrows, to indicate "wow...I'm still listening", if necessary. Once when I went for a long period with out giving any opinions I was told to "quit saying hmmmm and just tell me what you think". How refreshing is that...one of them actually wanted my opinion.
And in order to be safe for my sons to share with , I have to be willing to not repeat things they tell me, I have to remember they are adults with adult lives of their own, and while they used to be my little boys, they are now grown men. You'd think this would be easy--it's not.
Otherwise, I'm just an embarrassing mom....the kind they roll their eyes about. I have to constantly be on guard for where my life ends and theirs begins. There's no overlap anymore like there was when they were little. If I want them to want to be around me, I have to learn the rules and use them. Respect them and treat them just like I would a friend.
Wow...big stuff. For me, anyway.
P. S. Welcome, Anna...glad you outed yourself!
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