Nuh, huh

Hello, Houston....we have a problem.  Pantyhose....... and, I just can't face them.  I have to go to this lady doo tomorrow and unusually for me, I'm wearing a dress.  Yep, I am, or at least that's the plan.  But it's this hose thing that's really thrown me.  I don't do hose.  E-v-e-r.  But whadaya do in a dress?  My legs are just not suitable to be seen by the naked eye, naked, and those one legged thigh high things either look like a tourniquet or might fall down.  Now, yes, the easy answer is just to wear pants....I know that.  But what does the rest of the world of fifty somethings do?  Do you struggle into those body maiming pantyhose or do you have a better solution?  If you have an idea, comment quick because I have to be there early tomorrow and I am plotzed.  And don't say leg tanner--I think I'm allergic!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!