Tsunami, Fred

I've decided I need a weekend-- from my weekend. The last two weekends have just been a bear and I used to look sooo forward to weekends. Not so much lately. It seems like all the drama from the week accumulates and whamo, hits like a tsunami, on Friday or Saturday. And speaking of tsunami's, if you are around "Fred Mertz", catch him by surprise and get him to say tsunami. Be sure you have on your Depends 'cause you'll need 'um. It's hilarious. If he reads this first, he may try to practice saying it --- so try to catch him off guard.
I'm sporting my new rain boots today a la DSW online and must say the plastic smell reminds me of the smell of plastic Mattel baby dolls... remember those? I'd forgotten the smell until my boots arrived. Every once in a while I get a big old whiff of eau de plastique--not awful --just weird. I saw two guy friends at Tom Thumb who gave me total grief over my boots until Steve, my checker, weighed in on my side telling me he liked them. Well, see...there ya go. They ARE cute. Never mind I can't find a picture of them online to show you. THEY ARE CUTE. I'm telling you. In fact, maybe they were soooo cute, they're all sold out, so that's why there's no picture. No point in disappointing all those other women who didn't get a pair. Yeah....that's it. It better be.

How do you spell relief?

It's been a rough week but given enough time and prayer, things have worked out just fine, like they always do. It's such a comfort (and relief) to know God's job is the world, and mine is just me-- and not the reverse. Me getting those confused can result in an really bad outcome--for everyone.
My sister and I made an appointment to look at "alternative housing" for mom, and one with a higher level of care. We have not discussed this with her, so don't go global with this yet (ie. shut yer trap 'til I tell ya) , but I will say, how do you spell relief? Assisted Living. Mom was just not there earlier last year with her initial move, but she's screamin' downhill towards it now, and my sister and I get that. Big time.
Thank heaven for my sister, since doing this alone would be a lot harder (and doing it with my brother would just be exponentially impossible--to the tenth power--but that's another story.) We've gotten the ball rolling and though my sister and I both feel sadness, mine is less than hers--right now. What do I know about feelings? They can change at any time and usually do, when you least expect them to. Sort of a sadness hit and run. Or, a teary ten car pile up. My sister calls it the "Big Boo Hoo". She had hers Saturday morning and I am still waiting for mine--if it happens at all. Sometimes I just don't puddle up... maybe because I journal it out here. Don't know. A friend I discussed this with told me I was "tougher than my sister".... and all I could think of was "well.... gee... thanks for sharing". I felt like an old battle axe for the rest of the afternoon. She may be right....I just couldn't figure out how that sounded the least bit like a compliment exactly, thank you very much.
Mom's sutures are out but she still wouldn't get out Saturday to the "Hair Hut"--she said she still looked too bad. I a-l-m-o-s-t popped off that clean hair might be an improvement, but I didn't. Sometimes I can hardly resist throwing gasoline on a spark.

Communication

Why is communicating so hard? Why is saying what you need to say, appropriately, such a freaking mine field? I have learned that when in doubt, writing it down is the best course for me. And if it's a really emotionally "loaded" conversation, to put it on a 3x5 card a head of time, take it with me, and use the card!! DO NOT GO FREE FORM , here. Stick to the contents of the card. If I go "off card", I can promise you something might fly out of my mouth that I will later regret. I don't care if I look like a complete nerd with my card--if it works for me, I don't give a rats rear what somebody else thinks. I also like writing it down since I can always go back, edit, punch up, lower the voltage, etc. And reading it out loud to yourself is really helpful. You won't believe some of the stuff we say, not realizing how it sounds. We are too busy saying it to "hear". Once it's said and is out in the atmosphere, there are no do overs as we all well know. I also like the 24-48 hour rule. It's fine to do your card or cards, as the case may be--just sit on them for the 24-48 hour time period. Often times, more information is revealed that can drastically alter your card's contents. Or, you may not even end up needing your card. Helloooo, shredder.

Boundaries...got any?

(This is an old post, but one of my favorites.  Enjoy, and if the shoe fits, wear it. :)


Since this is my blog, I get to talk about whatever I want so if this one isn't your cup of tea, OK, fine. But here goes: have you ever had someone keep on ragging you about something that 1) you'd already discussed 2) they didn't get you to do what they wanted you to do so they circled the wagons and tried again 3) simply could not step back and recognize that saying it one more time was not going to impact you one bit 4) that you are not them ?  I've come to understand that people who don't respect your boundaries are sending you a very clear message: your boundaries are inconvenient and slow them down getting what they want.  Your needs?  They don't matter.

Which brings me to my favorite lecture: Boundaries. Boundaries are like hula hoops. Slip one on over your head and hold it waist high. It's a cozy fit and yet has a fair amount of room. Now, here's the good part: everything on the inside of the hula hoop back towards you, is YOURS and YOUR BUSINESS. Everything outside your hula hoop is NOT.                      
 It's fascinating to me how many people just cannot or choose not, to get this.  Especially family.  Oh, Lordy....they are the worst offenders.  They think that somehow because they have an opinion, that it's their job to tell you how to do your life, what's best for you, what you should do, because they want you to do what they want you to do. Seldom does it occur to them that this might be disrespectful to you and your intelligence, arrogant on their part, manipulative, not what YOU want to do, and "not inside their hula hoop".  Nope. They just want what they want. And they try to make YOU wrong for not doing what they think you should do.

 People who are continually disrespectful of my boundaries won't see a whole lot of me. They are entitled to their opinions, thoughts, and feelings---and if they continue to disregard my boundaries, they'll still be having their opinions, thoughts and feelings--just without ME. When people show you or tell you who they are, believe them.   

One o' dem days....

Man....today has really been one. If my hair wasn't already short, I swear I think I'd have pulled a Brittany Spears by now and shaved my head. No matter what, today was just not working. It was a hurry up and wait--everywhere I turned. An hour wait at the doctor's office-- then a test film was not sent--that I had to go get, and w-a-i-t-- while they got it--at another hospital. And then I dropped it back by the surgeon's office. Next, I waited another 30 minutes trying to get a car title changed, requiring a call to Austin, and me sitting aimlessly waiting while the mess was sorted out. This was my third try on the car title and I finally got it done. And the rent a Yacht? Yep, waited there all three times, too, but at least got something smaller.
The reality for me? Sometimes life is just not going to flow my way-- no matter what--- so I might as well laugh and roll with it. In the past, by now, I'd have thrown a rod and somebody would be bleeding or dismembered. I mean it. Blood and guts.
Today I know not to get too hungry, angry, lonely, or tired (HALT) and if I do, I need to stop what I'm doing right then-- and take care of myself. It sounds like such a no brainer. It isn't. You'd be surprised to see what happens when you actually do this. YOU DON'T ACT OUT. Stuff that previously made you murderous, now makes you laugh or when you wake up from a much needed nap, no longer even bugs you. I'm telling you, it works. And don't give me all that malarkey about "well...I'm at work". It works there, too. I've done it. Close your office door & chill for fifteen minutes. Go eat lunch. Go sit outside. Walk to your car and pretend you are running away--that's my all time favorite.

Which also brings me to telling people "No". No one knows better than you do, how to take care of you. What you think, how you feel, what you like and what you don't. Other people may think they know what's best for you but they don't. They aren't you. They only know what's best for them. DO NOT be hood winked by these crafty people. Take care of yourself and if you do not feel like doing something, just say no. Don't do it to please someone else. You'll just end up mad and resentful. "No" is a lot easier to say and it's a complete sentence. And don't cave if you have to say it more than once. Just grab your keys and keep walking. Works every time.

31 years ago

Thirty one years ago today, I got married to someone I thought I loved. Notice I said thought. I had no clue what love was back then. I thought I did--but I didn't. I do now. There is no one on the planet I'd rather be with, standing hip to hip with in a foxhole, than my partner. He is my rock. He is also the funniest person I know. He can make me laugh harder, longer, and can make me madder than a snake, all at the same time. That, folks, is talent. He is Ricky Ricardo to my Lucy; Fred Mertz to my Ethel. Lots of Fred Mertz.
His nick name is Mr. Activity--he's always got to be doing something. And he has "costumes"--for everything. He has his "hunting" costumes--several-- depending on if it's hot or cold, and what he's hunting. Then there's his Going to the Ranch hick costume, that comes complete with the occasional "howdy, ma'am", as he packs. His yard work get up is a family favorite and legend, now that he finally retired the old favorite Target shorts that were Dayglo green. The boys still scream over those. And last but not least, there is his Snack Man costume. That would be the late evening, watching TV in the kitchen "costume", and I'll just let you figure that one out yourself.
He is the most generous and wisest guy I know. He seldom reveals himself to most people and in some ways, I'm grateful for that. Nobody really knows what I have, except me. And if I had it to do all over again, I'd pick him again. And again. And AGAIN. Lucky me.

Overkill ..... mabye??

I just returned from trading in my Soup can for a larger car. Several people commented that if someone hit me, in the Soup can, I might not walk away so point taken, and a swaparoo just happened. Wanna guess what I got? A freakin' Land Yacht. A total old lady mobile....like I need matching patent leather shoes and a big old purse to drive it. You should see this behemoth. It takes up half the driveway and the minute Bruce sees it, the party's gonna start. I can just hear it now...."nice ride, baby".
Welllllll, here he is now, laughing as predicted. He just volunteered to go "drive my boat". I was supposedly upgraded to a luxury vehicle, and all that translates to is a Whale Boat, minus the harpoons. Now, it does have seat warmers--if I can just find the button. I popped the trunk and opened the gas tank trying to find them, so I may have to go read the manual. And another thing...I think it's a fat lady car because when you turn it off, the seat scoots back automatically as f-a-r back as it can go. Whaaaaaat? Like I can't get out where the seat is normally?? I beg your pardon--I CAN. The good news? That car is a tank and I'll easily walk away if someone hits ME. I'm just not so sure about what will happen to them, though. Whoa.
The reality is, since I'm likely to be driving it for several weeks, it may just have to become an acquired taste. A BIG ONE.