After being skunk sprayed this morning by someone I do not even know, it ocurred to me this gal was in a LOT of FEAR, and let's face it, the holidays only intensify your emotions--good and bad. So with that in mind, here's what I think:
1) DO NOT stay with relatives no matter how broke you are--even the ones that gave birth to you. Everyone needs their own space to retire to, to rest, re-group, and chill. There's a cheap hotel somewhere that's worth twice what you'll pay for it, in the peace of mind department.
2) Being around relatives makes us all regress, and you know it does, so just hear me. We all go right back into those childhood patterns and "roles", so just be aware of that, and take a breather when you need to. And by a breather I'm talking, grab your keys and head back to your hotel for a nap, go for a walk, go somewhere quiet and read (hotel lobby's work), pack your swimming suit in the event your hotel/motel has an indoor pool. If you have little kids and they aren't already sick, let 'em swim to wear them out. Then they'll get sick, but whatever.
3) Lower your expectations of everybody, including yourself--- and most importantly yourself. Families can be difficult, fun, annoying, etc., and the shorter the visit, the better. Get your ticket punched and run for the hills.
4) Do not take your animals no matter what. Just because you love them doesn't mean everybody else wants to be around them. Leave them at the hotel with their warm fuzzies and turn on the TV, for company. Plus, they provide a purrrrfect excuse to leave when you've had enuf'--you have to go let your pups out. *You don't even have to actually bring your animals to use this excuse. Just be careful that your kids don't blab.
5) You do not have to do everything as a group---and this is a biggie. Some families go nuts if even one person says "no thanks". Think herd mentality here. And cows. You'll never convince me all those cows actually want to go to the back pasture--they just follow the leader because that's what cows do. Ditto people. Nobody wants to stand up and say "I'll pass, thank you" for fear of the family's wrath. Do it anyway. You are NOT the turd in the punchbowl if you opt out of a group "thing". You are just way smarter than the rest of the herd.
6) DO NOT forget HALT--even if you don't feel hungry, angry, lonely, or tired. Sometimes you can be there and not actually realize it, and unless you pause, and check, it's liable to get really ugly.
7) Lastly, alcohol. You knew it was coming because we've all seen it a million times. This is the BIGGEST reason for having your own place to stay. You can escape. When families are under stress, like during the holidays, we all already know who's going to get plastered, because it's the same folks every year. And that's when the REAL party is gonna start. I'm not anti alcohol. I'm just anti alcohol for people who can't drink it, and then behave, which is a LOT of people.
8) If you've learned anything from reading this, I'm grateful. It's taken me 56 years to figure out some of this, so be smarter than I was. Nobody needs to give you permission to leave and if you piss somebody off, we'll that's their problem. If more of us took better care of ourselves, instead of white knuckling through, we'd all be a lot happier and healthier.
And that's just how I see it.
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