White Trash Turkey

Wow.  Yesterday after lunch, I ran by mom's to drop off some things I'd gotten her that she needed.  While there, she tried on a pair of boots that I'd gotten, at her request, and she attempted to get up off her sofa and walk in them, with her walker.  We never got to the walking part since she couldn't get her balance and sat down like a sack of wet cement, despite my efforts to stabilize her.  So much for the boots idea....and as for her inability to get her balance, I was completely blown.   Mom went into a  free fall without any effort on her part to catch herself, and that scared the crapola out of me.  Think thud...and you've got it.  Thank goodness she didn't hit anything on the way down, and landed on her rather well padded rear end.  And getting herself up??  You don't even want to know.

I am back on my turkey cooking dilemma and have got to come to some sort of decision here fairly soon.  My latest idea is to cook mine, in the oven, in a brown paper bag like my hairdresser does.  Kevin brine's his first, then  rinses it well inside and out, and pats that bad boy/girl dry.  Then it gets a slathering of peanut oil and he puts his into a brown grocery sack, with a handful of peanut oil thrown inside the bag.  He staples the bag shut, but leaves that little vent indentation open.  Then into a preheated 350 oven until done.  He says he Googles every year how long to cook it since sometimes his turkey is bigger or smaller.  He cuts open the bag the last 30-45 minutes so it browns nicely.

But it's his body language and antics of how he makes his brine that makes me scream out laughing.  He says he "opens his spice cabinet and just goes for it...a little of this and a little of that...whatever you have, whatever you like, whatever you want to get rid of ",  all goes into his brine with the salt and water.  Even cayenne pepper.  Oh, yeah, baby.  Picture a 6'2", very handsome (I call him Cinderfella), hilarious, gay man doing "a little of this and a little of that" and you'll get why it gasses me every time.  He calls it his White Trash Turkey and says it's sensational every year.  See...it does sound fun, doesn't it??

He said he has a "dedicated" cooler for brining, but it's the flourish when he talks about throwing out the whole bag once the turkey is cooked & removed, that just kills.  He looks like a gay man throwing a football in an imaginary trash can and then does his hands, "ta da".  No muss, no fuss. I look forward to TG every year so I can get him to do it again.  Well worth the price of a haircut. 

The other option, which we have discussed before, is to brine a la Kevin, and then cook it on my EGG.  While this would definitely free up needed oven space, there's just something about the Trash Turkey that makes me howl.  Anyone out there with an opinion, vote now.  Either way will be fun!