Shame

Growing up, did you think you were supposed to already know how to do everything or maybe not everything but most things, and when you didn't, you didn't want anyone to know, for fear they'd know your secret and think you were dumb?  And did you assume everybody else knew, but you didn't, so to ask anyone would be outing yourself, and running your "dumbness" up the flag pole, for everyone to see?  Boy, I sure did.  I busted my tail to make sure you thought I was this supremely confident, in the know, and all over it kid, when I was bluffing nine times out of ten.

And the shame of feeling like you are the only one who doesn't know everything, when you've wrongly assumed everyone else does, is a pretty devastating place to be. I felt ashamed that I couldn't just say "I dunno", and not have it end up on the front page of the Dallas Morning News.   And when I say shame, I mean it.  That horrible "less than" feeling, that you'll never measure up, no matter what you do.  It just won't be enough.  And then even as an adult, when you tried really hard to "be enough", you were sent the clear message that "nope, not good enough".  I honestly thought I was deficient, and it was years before I found out I'm in a boat with millions of other people.  None of them knew either, and felt too unsafe to admit it, just like me.

So today, if you don't know the "right" answer, the "right" thing to do or say, or even the "right" path to take, cut yourself some slack.  YOU AREN'T SUPPOSED TO KNOW EVERYTHING.  Ask somebody for help-- someone safe-- who won't throw it back in your face.

 Remember: don't go into a shame spiral.

S---Should

H---Have

A---Already

M---Mastered

E---Everything