Such a waste

I know some people don't believe in Hell and I don't believe in the kind with a Red Devil running around with a pitchfork, in blazing heat, though I am about one hot flash away from it.  I believe in both the Hell on Earth --- the kind we create for ourselves-- and the kind after we die, when we have to sit down with God and have "the talk".  You know the one I'm talking about.....it's just like "the talk" you had as kids with your parents, when you were in b-i-g trouble, only the one with God is exponentially worse, if you really have done some doozies.  I think he pulls out your dossier, with a big old smile on His face, and just waits for you to try and skip over something so He can gently (or not so gently) say, "Wait....what about....."? "Oh, yeah....that....".   Eeeeeeeeeesh.

Enter Bernie Madoff.  And speaking of Hell on Earth, can you imagine the hell of knowing one of your son's committed suicide because of things you had done--choices you had made??  Wow.....it is HOT in here or is it just me??  Never mind all the other stuff Bernie has done, can you imagine living with that?  I'm thinking that Bernie probably isn't "living" at all--he's just killing time here on Earth.  What a horrible limbo to face each day.
  Other than praying like a mad man, what can you do to atone for those kinds of misdeeds?  As a parent, I hope and pray I never have to find out what that feels like.  Clearly, I have made lots of mistakes in my parenting, and the boys and I have had long talks about things I wish I had done differently.  No cop outs--no excuses--just me owning up to my own short comings.  To see the recognition in their eyes that "yeah, mom, you did do that", when I admitted things I wish I had not done, and then the forgiveness in their eyes after admitting my shortcomings, has been a relationship builder for me and both sons.  Admitting my own faults and taking the heat for what I've done, has cleaned up any "schmutz" that might otherwise still freight our relationship.  And my plans is to keep it that way.  I keep my side of the street hosed off and they are responsible for theirs. 

Man...Bernie is going to need a Fire hose....  I think I'll put him in my prayers.  He's going to need them.