Bulldozers

We all know some and even have some as family members.  How to deal with them?  Sometimes, I think it's best just not to, but when you must, here's what I've found works for me.  First and foremost, do not engage.  If you hear a topic that you know is a volatile one for you, disappear.  Grab your car keys and haul, get up and walk away, etc.  Every question does NOT deserve an answer nor are you required to give one.  That last part is BIG STUFF.  99% of us grew up thinking if someone asked us something, whether it was any of their business or not, we had to answer.  We don't.  If you need permission not to answer any longer, you just got it.

Don't go where to the bulldozers go and don't hang with them.  If they are family, pick and choose the events you are willing to attend, and decline ones you aren't.  Yeah, you may get a few raised eyebrows but so what?  Ones you decide to attend, make it short and sweet, smile and be kind, and if you aren't in a good place, stay home.  Holidays are a notorious fireworks display when people push themselves to make everyone else happy--and neglect themselves.  If you're going to end up being pissed off if you go, do yourself a favor and stay home.

Bulldozers are strong medicine and their weapons are many.  They also have more energy than the average person because their very life depends on making sure they get what they need.  Notice...you did not hear any mention of anyone elses feelings in that last sentence--just the bulldozers.  Put simply, bulldozers really don't care how you feel--it's all about how they feel.  And don't forget--it's your job to make them, feel OK.  NOT.
 
It's their job to take care of themselves and your job to take care of YOU.  Manipulation, guilt, shame, name calling, popularity contests, and threats, are just a few of their weapons-- and they are a skillful bunch.  They've had years to master their craft and the sad part is, they have no clue that their behavior is what is destroying their relationships.  They just think you are the bad guy.  Fine.  I can handle that.

Years back, I used to care what people thought about me and I wanted everyone to like me.  Today I'm smarter than that.  If I have to turn myself inside out, in order for someone else to like me, or think I'm valuable, that's a relationship I can do without.  Happily.  See ya, don't wanna be ya.