My oldest and I were having a really interesting conversation this morning but got interrupted, and never finished it, so I'll finish it here, since I've got a bee in my bonnet to get my words out of my head. We basically were discussing the past, stuff we'd done, decisions we'd made, that we weren't proud of or felt guilty about. And here's what I didn't get to say because his phone rang.
Today at the ripe old age of 57, I know that living in the past, dragging around shame and guilt, is like wearing a backpack full of rocks, (or even boulders). It's heavy, it's exhausting, and it's just hell to wear everyday. Today I have options: I can unload it, I can sort through the rocks, decide if any are worth keeping, and most importantly
why I'd consider keeping
any of them, and if it's all just a bunch of rocks, leave them right where you unloaded them. If you put the backpack full of rocks back on, you are living in the past, and no one has ever successfully changed the past--that's why it's called the
past. If you carefully sort through the rocks (your past) and decide what you learned from each one, put the
lessons into the back pack, and move on. Living in
today--just this 24 hour period-- does not include ruminating over old choices you can't change and wish you'd done differently. You don't ever get this 24 hour period ever again because by tomorrow, it will be the PAST. Waste a day, and you waste a 24 hour period to change your
future.
Lots of people don't like their past and use it to stay stuck--they let it define them. The whole point is to get the lessons
from it, and go
forward. Use the experiences you've had, to develop new coping skills or ways of living your life, that don't look anything
like your past. And then, Bingo, you've got it. You are on your way.
Dragging shame, guilt, and regrets never helped anybody get ahead or where they wanted to go. Doing that is like rocking in a rocking chair--it doesn't
get you anywhere--it just gives you something to do. Me? I'm movin' on.
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