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Monday, February 17, 2014

Those are NOT bracelets

Sometimes things change.  Sometimes some people outgrow a certain regime and take off their handcuffs--the ones they've always hated-- but worn forever because they didn't think they could take them off. Now they know they can and it feels so good and so healthy.

When you take yours off, those who are still in handcuffs don't like it.  They don't like it at all.  They want you to wear yours just like they are.  Because they are in denial, they believe those handcuffs are really bracelets, and want you to put yours right back on right now.  Not only can they not conceive of taking off theirs, but how dare you take off yours. Who do you think you are?  We always wear our bracelets.  Those bracelets represent our rules, our uniformity, and your conformity.  That's what WE DO.  We don't care if you don't like them, or our rules.  That's just too bad.  You don't have a voice here.   And don't go thinking you do.  Who said you you could take them off?

Those handcuffs represent not ever having been permitted to have a self.  Never having a self meant you never grew up into a healthy person emotionally because you never found out who you were.  Ever vigilant, you became a people pleaser and always determined which way the wind was blowing before having an opinion.  A lot like cattle, it was important to follow the herd.  Early on you knew something wasn't right-- but just not exactly what.  Other people told you you were bad or wrong if you didn't follow the herd, or worse yet shamed you for speaking up at all.  That was so they could control you.

You see, you have to wear those handcuffs because if you don't, we can't cope.  Us.  The order givers.  We need you to just do what we tell you to do.  No vote, no choice, just orders issued that had better be followed or else. We can't do our own lives so we need to do everyone else's.  That's how we assure ourselves that we are important and needed, and allows us to avoid looking at ourselves.  The self we don't really have or know.  The one that feels like a fraud and we're afraid you might find out just how crappy we really do feel about ourselves.  The problem?  You already know.

The unspoken message here is don't grow, don't change, keep everything just like it is.  We have to be in control or we don't know how to cope. WE DON'T KNOW HOW TO DO OUR OWN LIVES.  And you scare us to death because you do.  You really do.

Chicken Little, you already know the sky is NOT falling.  You are simply enjoying the fruits of your hard work to outgrow your handcuffs.  Congratulations.  You have worked your butt off to get there, and good for you.  Now, don't EVER put on ANY handcuffs again, and make sure you don't try to handcuff anybody else. Remember: those are NOT bracelets.

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