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Thursday, May 27, 2010

Fred, Fred, Fred...

Oh, Lawsie.....it looks like I'll be opening up Parkland North again, with Fred as my patient this go round. In his quest to cease snoring, he has opened up a real can of worms for himself ranging from the need for braces and some oral work to sinus surgery and a tonsillectomy. All of this at 56 years of age. I told him I could do the tonsillectomy if he'd just lie still long enough for me to either insert my pliers or the old wood burning set the boys used to have. You know...the kind where you burned your initials into stuff. Hey...it could work....I might need to practice a little, though. That's why the pliers might be more fun...all I'd have to do is grab and snip, then use the wood burning thingy to cauterize. Or, just burn the tonsils out. No muss, no fuss. Either way, I'm good.

He tried to tell me that when they remove the nasal packing, post op, "there's no more painful thing IN THE WORLD". OK...my restraint at NOT biting for that was other worldly. All this from a man who has never even had surgery, except for his wisdom teeth. He's been on every message board and website reading about what he has to have done and while I agree it won't be any fun, easy on the drama, wouldja? I've already told him the tonsillectomy alone will be ugly and while he can do this in one surgery or two, he might as well do it in one since HE WON'T GO BACK AFTER THE FIRST ONE. And besides, anything he has to have done is always fifty times worse than anyone else, 'cause it's him.

Can you even imagine the fodder this will generate for me to blog about?? And while I wish he didn't have to do this, part of me can hardly wait to see how Fred copes with this. The clue truck is just about to hit him and my guess is it's not gonna be a four cylinder one.

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