Just back from my walk and to "monitor" the pecan trees. As I walked, I was thinking a lot about mom. Lately she's seemed more out of it with all three of us kids, and that just kills you inside. Her verbal skills have been shot recently and she hasn't recognized any of us, or has called me "Peggy". It's like a little piece of you dies every time you witness more slippage. This death by joules is so painful but clearly necessary-- or mom would already be gone.
And that got me thinking about the pecans. They are not going to drop until they are exactly, perfectly ready and until the tree tells to them to "let go". Waiting is just part of that. Lots of energy and work still to be done internally--I just can't see it with Mom or the pecans. I do know it will happen and it will happen when it's time.
Feeling the sadness is just part of the deal. I think it's the worst part of the "letting go".