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Thursday, September 20, 2012

Real Life

I had a Pecan Lady sighting yesterday for the first time since around this time last year.  Sis and I were out for an afternoon stroll and she flew in and out of her house (minus her broom) and took off in her car.  At least now I know what car she drives now so I can be aware.  She was the gal last year who was such a witch.  She lives on the corner a block over and had loads of pecans, literally, all over her yard.  Fred and I would pick up a couple on our walk with Sis, until we decided one day they were actually really good pecans.  Late on a Saturday afternoon, I rang their doorbell, her son answered, I asked if it was OK if I picked up some, he assured me it was fine and to take as much as I wanted.  (He was darling and so nice so clearly, he's adopted.)

Well, apparently his momma had other ideas because she nearly took my head off one day when I'd gone over to pick up some.  She was so outraged over me picking some that she twisted off in her own front yard, despite the fact I told her I'd asked her son and was told it was OK.  Nope.  Not good enough.  I guess I was supposed to know how she felt about her pecans, despite the fact I'd never laid eyes on her.  Anywho, since she was so ugly, we cracked and shelled the entire bag we'd picked, and took it over to her, and left it anonymously on her front porch.  I secretly hoped she'd gagged to death on one of them as payback for being so awful.  Seriously, I did.  Hey...I can only be so nice ....and from the looks of things today, she hasn't changed.  It looks like she's sportin' the same sour disposition as last year so I'll be avoiding her yard, though I might let Sis poop on her side yard as a token of my esteem. 

Neighbor Mary scared the liver out of me yesterday when her sprinklers had run all day and another neighbor asked me to use my key and be sure she was OK.  The neighbor had banged on Mary's door with no answer and couldn't tell if her car was gone.  The neighbor was frantic, and then I got scared.  I just knew I was going to find Mary on the floor somewhere with a broken hip or worse....her purse was sitting right there...her glasses were sitting on top of yesterday's paper all neat and nice...and then I suddenly wonder if I'm walking into one of those TV crime scenes, where the old lady gets it....blood everywhere...croaked old lady beaten, and left in the floor to die...all alone....  Now you're worried too, aren't ya?

Well...ah, no.  Mary was simply gone somewhere, and her sprinklers were in freak out mode.  Even when I turned them to off, they still kept running.  As I'm talking to her son on my cell phone, standing inside her garage, up drives Mary, thinking she must have left her garage door open, and then she sees me, and starts laughing.  I finally just unplugged her sprinkler's brain and filled her in on the problem.  She had no idea her sprinklers had been running for hours as they are set to cut off after a certain amount of time.  We stood outside and laughed our heads off over how insane the whole thing was.  Nothing like a little drama...

Lastly, we have the drama of Benji's car.  It seems a few days back it was making a weird grinding noise but Benji drove it anyway, not sure what the problem was.  Enter Nathan, fiddler extraordinaire, and all round car dude.  Nathan hears the noise and says let me get out and look--"drive towards me".  Suddenly Nathan is yelling "STOP!! STOP!! STOP!!  He looks at Benji's tires, that had just been shimmying like a bad pole dancer, to find all of the lug nuts are gone, except the one, locking nut, on each tire.  Someone had tried to steal all 4 of Benji's tires, gotten down to the locking lug nuts, and finally gave up.  Enter Aubrey, lead singer, who takes them to the local Chief Auto to buy more lug nuts, they get put on, case closed. 

And I wonder why I have to color my hair so often...... 

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