And then you watch their behavior choices. Every move they make gives them away. Over and over they do the same things. They HAVE to CONTROL or deal with their FEAR. And since FEAR feels awful, we all choose to CONTROL instead. It's the nature of the beast. Until you know better you can't do better and if you can't do better, you're stuck. Stuck in the FEAR and CONTROL cycle.
If you are a controller, it's a miserable place to be and makes life a living hell for you and the people around you. No one wants to be controlled. Ask yourself...do you enjoy someone trying to control you? If not, why not? If it doesn't feel good, then why are you doing it to someone else? Answer: Because you can't help it, without help.
I sincerely believe we'd all stop it if we could, but if you aren't "awake" enough to know what you are doing, or worse, don't care or don't want to stop, just know this. Control pushes people away from you. Permanently. You are going to lose loving, caring relationships because of FEAR that's not been dealt with. And the worst news of all is this: Other people can see it. You aren't fooling anybody. They can see how desperately unhappy you are even if you think they can't. You're telling on yourself and you think no one knows. Oh, they know all right.
And so do you.