Just now I was on my way home from the alterations lady. As I mulled over all the things I needed to do vs the ones I really want to do, I glanced up to see if it was my turn to cross the street in my car. As I looked up, down the street flew one of my friends, on her bicycle, helmet with a tiny rear view mirror, pedaling hell for leather. I'm talking flying here. This is also the same gal who a few months back was diagnosed with Stage 4 breast cancer--probably with mets (metastasis). As I watched her keep on sailing down the block, I sat back in my seat and thought for a second. Talk about someone who wants to live life and live it fully-- 100%-- for as long as she can, as hard as she can. Do I live mine like that? Or, do I just assume I'll wake up tomorrow, Dec. 2, 2011, and schlep on along?
Man...talk about food for thought. How am I living my life and who am I living it for? Am I doing what makes my heart sing and what fills me up as a human being or am I dragging that load of "hafta's" around, everyday of my life, and if so, why? I realized a lot of the things I used to do was because I never realized I had a choice. No one ever told me I had one, and I sure never had one as a kid, but today as an adult, I do. And if you are wondering who told me I had one, I'll let you in on the secret. It was ME. I told ME. And you can tell you.
I want to live my live with a deliberate sense of joy and appreciation, with a big scoop of laughter on the side. When I close my eyes at night, I want to look back over my day and hope I made a difference somewhere to someone, even if I just made them think, or laugh, or even roll their eyes. I want to approach the coming Christmas season with flour in my hair, Sister begging in the kitchen, and cookies in the oven...or bread...or rolls. I want to smell that smell and lock it in my brain forever. Because when I cook, I love.
Ask yourself if you are living the life you really want and if so, great. If not, what's holding you back? And is it real or imagined? Either way, you still have a choice. You can always do something different.
And that's just how I see it.