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Saturday, January 5, 2013

I'm not saying goodbye....

I haven't said much about this but here it is.  I'm sad.  Really sad.  One of my most favorite people in the world is moving away from Dallas.  I've known it was coming for a few months so I did my usual protective denial dance.  Until today.  Today it hit me square in the solar plexus and I just want to go hide in my bed under my covers with Sister, and feel small. 

I'm embarrassed to admit no one close to me--at least not a best friend--has ever moved away from me. This is all new territory for me.  Yes, we'll Skype.  And, yes, she'll be back for a visit in March and again in April.  I still don't like it. But, I guess I'll have to big girl up and accept it, even though it truly sucks.  This is just one of the changes rockin' my world and this one is a doozie.

I'm personally naming 2013 as The Year of Change.  It started at the tail end of 2012 and has kept on rolling.  Some of it I like, some of it I don't and the reality is, it will continue so I might as well go with the flow.  Otherwise, it's like standing in the middle of a shallow, c-o-l-d, river in Colorado trying to force it to flow another direction--the direction I want it to flow.  It's pretty clear who wins there and it sure isn't me.  I look back at things I've resisted and found some of them were great learning experiences, some were extremely painful and others ended up just fine all by themselves, once I let it go.  When I think anything is ALL ABOUT ME is when I'm headed for big trouble.  99.99999% of stuff isn't about me.  I just think it is and I get sucked in to that ego trip of thinking it's up to me to fix it.  It's NOT.

Yesterday I learned the greatest new acronym and I thought I'd pass it on here.  It has to do with me wanting my way.  I'll say something once, and then if I drag it back out and say it again, I've got an agenda and I'm trying to manipulate and get my way.  Moral of the story: anytime I say something more than one time, I'm pushing to get my way so here's the acronym.

W-- Why
A--  am
I--    I
T--   talking      If I've said it once, I don't need to say it again.  Dang.

4 comments:

  1. honey...say it as much as you need to!

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    1. Loved visiting with you last night and am still laughing over the bread puddin'....yum. :)

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  2. caroline...can't say it any better than this...you rock and i love you...you make me smile with your brutal honesty and you talk about things that most people just can't face. keep up the good work and the great post and keep me laughing and questioning how you can feel the exact same things that i do....

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  3. Anon,
    Thanks so much for your kind words. My blog is actually a little selfish...it's my forum to get things out of my head so I won't go nuts "trying to figure something out" or "fix it", knowing both of those don't work anyway. I have no shame (or filter sometimes) in the things I will discuss so my blog is definitely not for the faint hearted!

    So glad you enjoy it and glad to have you aboard and commenting!!!
    Hugs to you.

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